| Some 2K10 Goals by God's special grace n power |
- Paint entire house
- Set up entire downstairs including garage
- Reduce credit card debt by at least $2k
- Pay off any miscellaneous debt
- Most definitely get into a committed relationship
Most definitely send money to mom for a new car- Take time to develop relationships
- At least, 2 patents
- Aggresively work on developing iPhone App dev skills
- Create a webpage for DJing
- Expand my career breadth
- Visit London
- Join Toastmasters
- Create a will and a Power of Attorney 4 Healthcare
- Take complete control of soda drinking
- Work on taking a CPR class
SO, HELP ME GOD!
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| Some 2K7 Goals by God's special grace n power |
Finally buy some Nyja stocksGet a loaded Thinkpad or Sony VaioJoin MentorPlace n consistently mentorPut at least $2K in stocks apart from investment club contr. & 401kTake complete control of coffee
SO, HELP ME GOD!
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| Some 2K6 Goals by God's grace |
Have a white paper publishedWork on increasing payGet to the next band at workHelp renovate mom's placeGive mom n bro at least $*K each for weddingFinally visit Nyja!!!
Take a real estate class
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| My Videos |
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Go Getta. R. Kelly
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| Music I'm Feeling... |
- 2Face
- Ebenezer Obey
- KWAM 1
- Cassandra Wilson
- Pharell
- Ne-Yo
- T.O.K
- Don Moen
- D4L
- Teddy Pendergrass
- ColdPlay
- DMB
- Notorious B.I.G
- Delirious
- Dem Franchise Boyz
- Frank Sinatra
- Evanescence
- All-American Rejects
- Billie Holiday
- Seal
- Obesere
- KEM
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| Books I'm reading... |
Zero DebtThe Millionaire Next DoorThe Street Lawyer- African Women: Three Generations
- Communication, Sex & Money
- The J2EE Tutorial
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| Cities I Have Visited |
- ATL, GA
- Austin,TX
- Detroit, MI
- Houston, TX
- Charlotte, NC
- Corning, NY
- NYC, NY
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Monday, March 06, 2006
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It's really all about me...I guess.
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"You! You! With all the help I have rendered to you? Now, I need your help and you can't help me?"
"You know I have never done anything but the opposite of what you did to me. Why would you do it to me?"
"I can't believe you would do that to me!"
"Every time she has needed my help, I have helped her. Now, all I am asking from her is this one favor, but guess what she won't help me."
These are very familiar statements that we have probably said or heard someone say at one point of our life or the other. These statements all have, at least, one thing in common. They all exude an undeniable stench of disappointment. They all tell the listeners that the speakers are very hurt. They are hurt by the fact that someone they, once, helped has backed out on them in time of need. They clearly say that the speakers are disappointed, most especially, due to the fact that they have been there for the subjects many a times. As a result, they feel like the subjects should or have an obligation to help them. If I helped you out or did you any form of favor, you have an obligation to do the same for me when I am in need of the same. Help you, you got to help me too!!!
In my very short time here on earth, I have seen this thinking pattern hurt innumerable people including me. I have seen it bring many close to tears and many others to tears. I have seen it chase many into a shell of distrust. I have seen people move from the barely inhabited I-can't-watch-these-people-suffer street to a very occupied, but less fulfilling None-of-my-Buziness street; people have gone from being very generous to it's none of business, I can't help you, making them become who they are not. I have seen very affectionate and altruistic people become very cold and seemingly heartless. I have seen very giving people become almost ruthless.
About 6 years ago or so, I found a way out of being in this crowd of misery. I, suddenly, got a deeper or should say different understanding of a principle which I had always known. It was a principle that I always knew about but never had this newfound perspective of the principle. It was the principle of doing unto others as you want others to do unto you. Like many of us, I had always seen this law as do unto A as you want A to do unto you, but like never before I discovered that a more healthy version of it is do unto other people as you want other people, and not necessarily the same persons you do to, to do unto you. Do unto A as you want B and C to do unto you without expecting A to do the same to you. Since I got this perspective I have been pretty much set free (I won't say completely cos of my fallibility) from any feeling of disappointment when friends and loved ones seem to let me down. By deciding to stop helping people, you are robbing your own self, and not them, of a whole lot of good. The liberation that this new perspective of life gave me cannot be put in words and it truly helped me to reaffirm that perspective is definitely everything like people say.
I have come to terms with the fact that everything I do comes back to me (I really don't like thinking the bad things included, but hey…you sow corn, corn grows. Harsh reality of life. : ) ) through people, not necessarily through that same person that I did it to. In fact, I tell people sometimes when I do them favors, "Don't ever feel obligated to help me because I once helped you. DON'T! I will always find the help I need somehow as long as I have helped you before. It doesn't have to be you." Don't get me wrong. I don't think it's an excuse for people not to help you out knowing you were once there for them too. I just think one will have more peace of mind and will rarely get hurt or angry with this perspective of life. My doing you a favor is doing myself a favor. It's an investment for my own good. It has ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING to do with you. If you help me out when I need you, I will be very happy and if you don't, I will still be very happy cos I will find the help that I need regardless cos I already sowed a seed before. That's why I like what Horace Mann said when he said, "Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves." And don't get me wrong either. My doing good is for the sake of making the world a better place cos someone might say, "So, I guess you don't do good for the sake of the world then." Not the case. Whatever good I do, I do it for many reasons. Doing it expecting the same back from the person I am doing it to or for is just not one of them. I just don't.
This is one principle that has made me lack anger or resentment towards anyone ( :) ok, maybe 1 or 2 people). But for real, I do favors for my own good. I don't necessarily do it to expect it back from the "favoree." :) It can be painful but it's just better for me. Expecting it back from the favoree will make me a very disappointed person if the person ever does otherwise when I need his/her help, so I guard my own heart knowing, anyway, that, regardless of all, the help will come to me from somewhere somehow anyway. And so far, for me, it always does come from somewhere somehow. You cannot give and lack when you need. I just don't think it's possible. You will have what you need when you need it, regardless of whether your favorees are there for you or not. That's a truth I have seen for myself, at least. I got to say, though, it's a different dimension of selfishness. EVERYTHING I do for/to anyone, I do it for ME.
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posted by Just Thinking Out Loud!
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11:45 AM
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| 2 Comments: |
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wow.. i never thought about it like that before. Thanks for sharing that. I can say its changed my outlook!
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I used to think like that, because i did someone for something, i should expect it back, it did not work, it pissed me off, so i adopted your method and everything is smooth sailing.
As my dad would say: Kill them with kindness.
Hope you had a lovely weekend and a nice week!
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wow.. i never thought about it like that before. Thanks for sharing that. I can say its changed my outlook!