| Some 2K10 Goals by God's special grace n power |
- Paint entire house
- Set up entire downstairs including garage
- Reduce credit card debt by at least $2k
- Pay off any miscellaneous debt
- Most definitely get into a committed relationship
Most definitely send money to mom for a new car- Take time to develop relationships
- At least, 2 patents
- Aggresively work on developing iPhone App dev skills
- Create a webpage for DJing
- Expand my career breadth
- Visit London
- Join Toastmasters
- Create a will and a Power of Attorney 4 Healthcare
- Take complete control of soda drinking
- Work on taking a CPR class
SO, HELP ME GOD!
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| Some 2K7 Goals by God's special grace n power |
Finally buy some Nyja stocksGet a loaded Thinkpad or Sony VaioJoin MentorPlace n consistently mentorPut at least $2K in stocks apart from investment club contr. & 401kTake complete control of coffee
SO, HELP ME GOD!
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| Some 2K6 Goals by God's grace |
Have a white paper publishedWork on increasing payGet to the next band at workHelp renovate mom's placeGive mom n bro at least $*K each for weddingFinally visit Nyja!!!
Take a real estate class
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| My Videos |
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Go Getta. R. Kelly
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| Music I'm Feeling... |
- 2Face
- Ebenezer Obey
- KWAM 1
- Cassandra Wilson
- Pharell
- Ne-Yo
- T.O.K
- Don Moen
- D4L
- Teddy Pendergrass
- ColdPlay
- DMB
- Notorious B.I.G
- Delirious
- Dem Franchise Boyz
- Frank Sinatra
- Evanescence
- All-American Rejects
- Billie Holiday
- Seal
- Obesere
- KEM
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| Books I'm reading... |
Zero DebtThe Millionaire Next DoorThe Street Lawyer- African Women: Three Generations
- Communication, Sex & Money
- The J2EE Tutorial
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| Cities I Have Visited |
- ATL, GA
- Austin,TX
- Detroit, MI
- Houston, TX
- Charlotte, NC
- Corning, NY
- NYC, NY
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Monday, May 01, 2006
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Change my last name? What!!!
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I was talking to a friend of mine (best sister I never had, though she was mean to me me recently. u still are the best sister I never had :) ) earlier today on IM and she said something that I had never given a thought before. She said that we guys have it easy when it comes to getting married. "When you guys get married, your lives do not necessarily change that much. You don't have to change your name. You don't have to worry about going to join a long line at Social Security. Changing your IDs, Ceritifcates, Awards, etc. You don't have to get used to a new name. You guys? You just live on. No big deal.", she said (not exactly in her precise words, but you get the drift). I was like....hmmm....that's a very interesting one. I have never really given it that whole changing of names much of a thought at all. I have always seen it as oh yes, women have to change their names, blah, blah, blah...life goes on with the new husband and lifestyle. And that's it! No big deal!
As she said it, I realized that it's definitely not that easy for real. I mean, you have to change all your documents. You have to change your name at work and people at work get confused. They search for you in the company yellow pages and bam, they can't find you. Confusion! They have to be told that oh you changed your name, so, this is the new name to use as search criteria. I mean...I have a coworker that got married last weekend (he's on his honeymoon now as expected). This guy is going to come back to work next week and hey, no big deal, his life just goes on like nothing happenned. ok. maybe not, but at least when it comes to name change! But that will not be the case with his wife. She has to worry about changing her name at work and all that stuff. But for real, I can't imagine me changing my name. It can't be that easy. I mean...I have tried using my middle name when introducing myself in certain environments, but when the people there call me by that name, I don't even know it's me they are calling. And that's a name that is already my name, but I'm just not used to being addressed as. How much more a name that was never mine, but now has to be fully adopted!! We definitely have it easy as guys when it comes to this for real.
The whole conversation also reminded me of a conversation I had with another friend recently. I believe we were talking about something in the same line and she asked me, "what would you say if your wife asks you about you guys having a combined last name." Wow! It hit me like thunderbolt for real. I had never thought about that before in my life. I thought about it very deeply and replied her jokingly, "The problem with that is that I already have a compound name, so that will be a hard one." She replied, "Whatever! How about remove one of them and add hers?" Something like Adeloti-Peters which is structured like my current last name. I thought about it deeply and with all sincerity, I didn't see nothing whatsoever wrong with that idea. I told her, hey...no big deal! Of course, she said pls, whatever. But I actually meant it. I really see no big deal with that. I can actually do it without thinking twice. Life is too short to worry about such irrelevant issues. We are going to die anyway and the names will mean nothing. Names are just a form if ID. I actually think it's a great idea! It just shows how much you guys are truly becoming ONE, which is the way marriage should be to me. I know it's odd and I can imagine many people will be like what sort of man will do that. He must not be a man. Lol! It doesn't make me less of a man in any way. If anyone thinks so, they can cry me a river and jump! That's the way I feel! : ) And like my friend said, "You are Nigerian. Wait till your family hears that." They will think your wife jazzed you up (used voodoo power on you). lol! That's true. They will truly think that, but like my mom knows and always says about me, "omo yen o ma gboron o, but igbami ti inu nikan lo ma se (that boy is very diplomatic and listens but sometimes he does only what he wants to do without conceding to anyone else's suggestion)." They know if I say that I will do that I will. And besides, they just really need to sit down and think about it clearly from all sides and to me, I believe they will realize it's really no big deal too. As a man, I believe you really have to learn to be, me and my wife and that's it! Everyone else, go jump! If not you will destroy your marriage with the help of friends and relatives.
For me, it's crazy, I know, but it is really no big deal at all. I love my last name with a PASSION and I f&*#$$ mean PASSION but combining it with my wife's last name is no big deal to me, whatsoever! It just shows the power of ONE!
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posted by Just Thinking Out Loud!
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2:57 PM
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| 9 Comments: |
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Changing name is not as necessary as our culture (Nigerian) makes it to look. Though the wife has to have a change of name from when they get married but that does not mean all previous achievement need to be redefined in the new name.
Cherie Booth QC is a name most of us may not be very familiar with, at least in States, but she's the wife of the UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair. She uses her maiden name for everything she does (and that includes her pay job as an accomplished lawyer) and almost any paycheck that needs to be written for her. She's only addressed as Cherie Blair when she's on official function with her husband or things that has to do with her role as the wife of UK Prime Minister.
I dont think my wife will need to go thru the hussle of changing all her previous record. I will rather have her maintain her maiden name for official use than have a compound surname... With all the hassle of changing documents, people still get divorced so what's the need?
The main thing is for the husband and wife to have good understanding of themseleves regardless of what the surname is.
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i like the way you think nyjaguy...having a combined name sounds really good to me but your brothers over there in the motherland will vehemently reject any suggestions....my thing is how about even taking the wife's name...i tell you i love my name...but ive decided i will keep my maiden name professionally...and socially, I'll carry my married name...
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here's something else..
go pick up a pen and paper.
now sign your first name with a new last name. after signing your name a million times as one thing, it's quite strange to start signing a new one. a whole new signature has to evolve! i have documents from my early days of marriage where my new signature is just cursive, since it hadn't evolved yet into it's free flowing (now illegible) signature. :)
fun post eyan!
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well, i left a comment here that didn't post, so if two appear, sorry.
trying again, but i have lost the steam of the first attempt to comment! :)
so, here was the gist. one thing you didn't mention in your fun post about name changing eyan, was that we also have to change our signature! after years of signing with one name we suddenly have to start signing a new name. try it, it's quite strange! for quite a while it is more like just writing your (new)name, until it has time to evolve into a true signature.
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oops, sorry, i now see the notice that comments wait for your approval. i didn't remember you having that set up before!
go ahead and delete as necessary....
:)
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In terms of name changing i am keeping my name and add his, but will be like one of those double barrel surnames.
Why cant we have more guys that think like you over here, JTOL?Lol
I told a guy about this here and if you see the way he was breathing fire i was like na wa oh! At least i did not ask you if you will take your wife's name. Anyway its too much hassle so changing so i will just add his name to mine.
Ps back from our holiday, We have one more bank holiday coming up that is in august and we are done for the year! I think.
Anyway hope you are alright
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interesting concept JTOL. As for me I had decided a while ago that 'if' we, my husband and i, decide that i should take on his last name, i will still use my maiden name for work and professional purposes. The whole compound name thing can be very compounded. Imagine if my hubby's name is Aderigbigbe or Ekenedilichukwu, then my name will be Achumba-Aderigbigbe or Achumba-Ekenedilichukwu.... haba.
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The tedious paper work one has to go through was not a huge problem for me. I felt like I was loosing my identity. Why do I have to assume his identity. I like my name. I had thought about marriage but it never occured to me that someday I would have to change my name.
some ladies don't' mind and others can't wait for the ink to dry on their wedding certificate before they change everything, email adds, signatures. others practiced signatures from the time they recived their engagement ring. I don't think so. It was a big deal for me. Huge. But at the end of the day it was pride.............. So I swallowed it and gave in...... before I fall.
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to annonymous:
you're right. having a good understanding of each other is much more important than name issue. However, I have to say that I would rather have us have the same last name. Not in all cases, but I think having different last names is setting up yourselves for possible separation. You are already making a statement of seperation. That's one of the reasons why I don't mind combining my last name with my wife's. Anything to have the same last name is cool with me.
to diamondhawk:
thanks o! :) what can i say. I don't know about taking the wife's name though. Mba! :) I can combine for sure, but just take hers and drip mine? Naaa! :) I just don't like the idea of seperate names at all.
to belle in the city:
lol! that's a good one for sure. With all sincerity, it really doesn't matter at all. With my last name, most likely hers will have to be the first anyway. It will be more semantically pleasing to the ears.
to sandra:
lol! that's an interesting exercise. Never thought about that too. wow! Mehn, it's not easy to be a woman changing her name for real. thanks for the compliment. Nice to hear from you again.
to nneka:
you Birtish peeps need new work etiquettes for real. holiay today, holiday tomorrow. wetin? :) I guess adding your last name to his will make it something like what Adaure said - Achumba-Ekenedilichukwu. lol! that's hilarious!
to adaure:
you're right about the compound name thing for sure. Achumba-Ekenedilichukwu! Now, that's funny! But one thing I have come to realize in life is that anything new is always odd, but once you start it, it becomes normal. People get used to it. So, Achumba-Ekenedilichukwu, might not be as bad, after all. lol!
to annonymous:
it must be hard for sure. I feel you on the whole idea of some ladies who can't wait for the ink to dry on their wedding certificate before they change everything. :) Ladies are just too into getting married et al. I really do not get it at all. The pride part of having your name changes is an interesting one too. Good luck with everything. Your marriage will never fall by God's grace o! ;)
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Changing name is not as necessary as our culture (Nigerian) makes it to look. Though the wife has to have a change of name from when they get married but that does not mean all previous achievement need to be redefined in the new name.
Cherie Booth QC is a name most of us may not be very familiar with, at least in States, but she's the wife of the UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair. She uses her maiden name for everything she does (and that includes her pay job as an accomplished lawyer) and almost any paycheck that needs to be written for her. She's only addressed as Cherie Blair when she's on official function with her husband or things that has to do with her role as the wife of UK Prime Minister.
I dont think my wife will need to go thru the hussle of changing all her previous record. I will rather have her maintain her maiden name for official use than have a compound surname... With all the hassle of changing documents, people still get divorced so what's the need?
The main thing is for the husband and wife to have good understanding of themseleves regardless of what the surname is.