Just Thinking Out Loud!: July 2006

Some 2K10 Goals by God's special grace n power

Paint entire house
Set up entire downstairs including garage
Reduce credit card debt by at least $2k
Pay off any miscellaneous debt
Most definitely get into a committed relationship
~~Most definitely send money to mom for a new car~~
Take time to develop relationships
At least, 2 patents
Aggresively work on developing iPhone App dev skills
Create a webpage for DJing
Expand my career breadth
Visit London
Join Toastmasters
Create a will and a Power of Attorney 4 Healthcare
Take complete control of soda drinking
Work on taking a CPR class

SO, HELP ME GOD!

Some 2K7 Goals by God's special grace n power

~~Finally buy some Nyja stocks~~
~~Get a loaded Thinkpad or Sony Vaio~~
~~Join MentorPlace n consistently mentor~~
~~Put at least $2K in stocks apart from investment club contr. & 401k~~
~~Take complete control of coffee~~

SO, HELP ME GOD!

Some 2K6 Goals by God's grace

~~Have a white paper published~~
~~Work on increasing pay~~
~~Get to the next band at work~~
~~Help renovate mom's place~~
~~Give mom n bro at least $*K each for wedding~~
~~Finally visit Nyja!!!~~
~~Take a real estate class~~

My Videos

Go Getta. R. Kelly

Music I'm Feeling...

2Face
Ebenezer Obey
KWAM 1
Cassandra Wilson
Pharell
Ne-Yo
T.O.K
Don Moen
D4L
Teddy Pendergrass
ColdPlay
DMB
Notorious B.I.G
Delirious
Dem Franchise Boyz
Frank Sinatra
Evanescence
All-American Rejects
Billie Holiday
Seal
Obesere
KEM

Books I'm reading...

~~Zero Debt~~
~~The Millionaire Next Door~~
~~The Street Lawyer~~
African Women: Three Generations
Communication, Sex & Money
The J2EE Tutorial

Cities I Have Visited

ATL, GA
Austin,TX
Detroit, MI
Houston, TX
Charlotte, NC
Corning, NY
NYC, NY

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Bare-naked ladies

Word Up!

If the only thing that you use in getting him is your sex appeal, how long do you think you will keep him for? Just wondering... cos sex fades...
~ Eyan

Wow, what a weekend! Nice one! Was at a Salsa/Hip-Hop party organized by my coworkers on Friday. Very nice crowd as usual. Great-looking young working class black folks doing their thing. They had 2 clubs right next to each other (actually more like a bar/club and a really nicely decorated lounge with perfect well-blended contemporarily brown-themed decor - cozy, soft and rich-looking leather sofas et al) - one was hip-hop and the other Salsa (the lounge). But how come we black folks just don't know how to try something new. We just stick to the same ol' same ol. So, we had 2 choices. But guess what! It was really one choice. My people, the bakc folks, of course, stayed in the hiphop section throughout. Pretty much all the black folks were at the hiphop section and the salsa section when i went there was drier than thinkable. I was just like how come we just can't try something new mehn. What the? We just really stick to the same ol same ol. But it was fun though. Seeing many of my coworkers goofing around and shit.

On Saturday went to a work picnic where I actually stayed on the grill pretty much throughout. Unheard of! All my life, I have always helped out at the grill for few seconds or a minute at a time, but never actually did all the grilling all day like some of the friends that I have. Did so this time around. Something new, at least. Might be organizing a cookout soon cos of this new experience of mine. : ) They celebrated some of the veterans in the company - 25 yrs and 30something. Damn! How the fuck do you work for a company for that long! How? I just wonder. You know what? Actually, it's possible. Been with the company for almost 4 yrs now and still there chilling, so I guess it's possible. Naaaaa! 25 yrs though is kind of too much. Hmmmmphhmmphhh! Hell no!

At night went to the much-awaited all-white party! Missed it for the past 2 yrs and just had to make it this year. My 1st all-white party. Always gave the all-white-attire-nono excuse but decided to try it this year and it wasn't bad really. It was mad crowded. Too many people. Live band! Fashion show! Museum artifacts (it was at a museum). All sorts of creative dresses by the ladies, I heard after the party from people. I didn't really notice the creative ones really. The only ones I noticed were the ladies that might as well have been naked for real. I mean...what the f&^*! Is that a rag or a wrapper? Which one? With the boobs all tight looking like they're going through timeout. Big time punishment! Some of those things were so pushed high up, they looked like rockets getting ready for lift up. But hey...they kept we guys busy for sure though. Got some pics but won't put them cos some of the ladies are friends' friends and they will kill me. lol!

My own thing though, like a friend said, is that I just really hope all those bare-naked ladies don't believe that's the way to get a man. I mean, if you think you will get a man with that bullshit handkerchief you have on, you got to be fucking kidding me. 4 real! Cos I'm looking at you and the only thing I am thinking is sex and not love or relationship or getting to know you or anything deep like that. It's just SEX!!!! That's it! I'm looking at the conservatively, yet stylishly dressed lady and I am thinking, damn, what a beautiful lady, I would love to wife or girlfriend you. But for me and like many other guys who attested to the same, I'm looking at this stripped or so lady and girlfriend or wife is definitely not the first thing on my mind (maybe 3rd or 4th). The only thing on mind is how I can take the "easy access" piece she has on, gain access and ravage her. Sad to say, but that's the truth...at least for a good number of guys from what I know. To me, those ladies usually think they will catch our attention and possibly have a man, but guess what, my advice to them is Good Luck and Godspeed! They definitely catch our attention alright but not in the smartest way if a real boyfriend or man is what they want. Don't get me wrong, I believe in looking sexy, but that's different from looking like sex. Maybe it's just me.

There were innumerable sexy-looking ladies there including all the friends and coworkers I saw there. Especially my date for the past few months before last week. Looking simply and elegantly gorgeous as always. There is nothing like a lady looking just amazingly simple in her sense of fashion and persona and yet outstandingly beautiful. It's an unmatchable case of oxymoron. But 4 real, that girl just always looked and still looks more beautiful to me daily - physically and heart-wise. It's a pity that regardless of that we just couldn't take things to the next level. I definitely had a great time knowing her. No doubt! But 4 real, now I know I need HEEEELLLLP and deliverance from s*j - my real reason for not being able to take it to the next level with the constant and progressive beauty. I just really fucked up with s*j and have met all these great people since her but just can't stop thinking of her. Mehn, that's for another day. Oh well, the friendship with progressive beauty is definitely working great so far...or so it seems.

I got to say though, one of the most surprising moments was with one of my coworkers. She's a hardware engineer with my company, pretty and all, but just never really cares about fashion et al, even when she does come out to events. She dresses ok but doesn't go out of her way at all. I was by the entrance and someone tapped me and said hi. I was just like hey. Then she kind of greeted me again or so. I guess she thought that I normally greet her better than that which is true, so I took a second glance at her and was dead shocked. Couldn't believe it was her. I hugged her hard and said, damn, you look GREAT! She looked like an angel 4 real. Though I had to add a clause afterwards, it's not like you don't always look great. lol! All in all, the party was great. Very nice and mature crowd. Just mad at the incredible amount of money the guys are making. And one of them works with me at work too. Like one other coworker said when I asked him to come out, "how can I pay T money to go to his party. He is my coworker for Christ's sake. We make money here and next thing, I got to take out of mine and go pay him. Hell no!" Interesting perspective. It's all good.

Anywayz, enough ramblings about the "bare-naked ladies." Had a nice forum-based meeting with some guys on Sun which was very informative for sure. ok...written quite much. Let's just say great weekend...as usual.

posted by Just Thinking Out Loud! @ 11:33 AM 5 comments

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Building blocks

Word Up!

Life SHRINKS or EXPANDS in proportion to one's courage (and I am adding, "in proportion to our thoughts" too).
~ Ms Sick Chick quoting Anais Nin

Huuuuuuuuuuh! Thank God it's negative. After over 9 months or so of suspense, now I know I'm free. Wheeeeeeeeeeew! For a strange reason, I was really cool throughout the wait for the most part apart from once or 2ce when my heart pace millionpled. So no more till marriage (yea right) or at least till whoever I am with presents her tests results live and direct in front of me. No oh, it was just spur of the moment BS!!! Tofiakwa! Everyone definitely needs to do this test for real, regardless of sexual activity or not.

Been super-excited in recent days about some things (runz). I just pray everything goes as planned and even much better than planned by God's special and limitless grace. I really pray so cos I've been here before and I misused the opportunity, at least for the better part and maybe not for the most part. God help me in spite of my BS, please! I need it. I really do! It is already done!

Went to lunch today with Ms Sick Chick and as usual had a great time just chit-chatting with no strings attached. Went to this nice artsy, Village,NYC-like block in Durham with restaurants and chairs to sit outside and eat. Love going there. Anywayz, over the years, over and over again, I have come to discover that one of the most liberating relationships you can have is a pure platonic relationship with a very beautiful lady. Ok...with the opposite sex. :) Odd, I know. It's amazing how much you learn from each other. We can talk about ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING with no preconceived motives or deceitfulness on either side of the coin. To say that it is liberating is an understatement. The feeling is incredible, 4 real.

It's amazing how you meet someone and you guys just don't even give each other any face whatsoever and next thing, you talk and maybe go out once and next thing, you become great friends OR many times like in the case of Henry in Good Fellas, you become married.

Anywayz, she has been on this 21-day fast that she decided to go on just to get closer to God and lose herself or like I joke with her to free herself from Mr Man. She told me about how she has really felt so peacefully anxious about things regardless of the fact that she's moving out of state next month away from family, about how she has heard God speak to her about this guy she just can't seem to let go off, about how she feels like she's in this world that she can't describe (like I told her this little utopia of yours), etc. It kind of just felt inexplicably peaceful around her as she talked. Very odd. Can't describe it. As she said it, I could relate with what she said and I, as once felt, felt like were both in this world gliding peacefully through a stream of air and everything was just calm and unshakeable. I got to say, I am tempted to take on a fast too, but naaaaaa! That means I have to leave my way of life? Naaaa. Maybe one day....maybe! That's if there is life sha!

One thing she said though that definitely sunk into me was that she looked at her past relationships and how she finally feels loose from this guy, that I have been telling her to forget and just focus on the things that matter in life (I'm a guy. I know wassup), and she found out that every guy she has dated has been a building block to this last one! This last one didn't work out (I will leave that story for some other time. Long story! : ) ) but she's just excited and can't wait for the man God has for her cos based on this last guy, the culminating guy will be great. Hmmm, I thought to myself. Now, everyone needs to realize that. "Damn! That's so true about life", I thought to myself. If many of us can realize that what we think is the best for us now that can't seem to work out is a building block towards the best for us, we would learn to look forward to the upcoming best things in life and not hang on to crap. ok. maybe not crap. whatever.

Our lives, I completely concur, are building blocks to the best things in life IF we can only focus and not get distracted or hold on to crap that does not need to be held on to. There is so much to life tomorrow than today, if we can only let go and let loose. Many times, many of us feel like this is the best thing that has ever happenned to us regardless of the fact that it is full of discomfort and pain, so we hang on to it, pretty much by force. Unbeknownst to us, that is not even close to a speck when compared to what is to come if we just let go. My mentality is this, if I can have something this great right now, if I have to get rid of it due to several reasons, I know I can definitely have something even greater. So, my conclusion, just like Ms Sick Chick, is let go, sit back, relax and enjoy the sight of the distant sun, for its brightness is about to and will positively beat all imaginations and expectations!!!

posted by Just Thinking Out Loud! @ 4:42 PM 3 comments

Friday, July 14, 2006

A Physical Experience.

Word Up!

Yesterday, no tears! Tomorrow, no fears!
~ Dan Rather quoting his mom

Growing up, everyone in my family pretty much treated him/herself. My mom is a biochemist, her brother a medical doctor and my closest aunt a pharmacist, so back then once I saw any sign of malaria or whatever, I already knew wassup. I just guzzled that bastard Chloroquine or Halfan and didn't care whether it itched me or not (Won't talk about that itching part cos that shit was wild). Doctor's visit was a rarity except when I went to see my uncle. So, when I got here to US, I noticed it was not the same. The Dr has to prescribe everything for you before you take it. Meeehn! Anyway, I thought that was kind of neat and looked forward to visiting a doctor et al. I remember being in college and I would have a symptom and would go to the Infirmary but hated the fact that they didn't have a real medical doctor. Why? I don't know. I couldn't wait to have a real health insurance and be able to visit a medical doctor. Anywayz, as soon as I started working and got health insurance, I definitely didn't waste time. My visits began!

Any sign contrary to the typical self-treatable illnesses such colds, flu, etc, I have gone to the doctor's ever since. However, one thing I haven't done since then is an official physical. I had tried to get an offical physical, especially when a friend of mine slumped and died while resting from playing soccer, but my doctor's office back then told me that the next available time was in 3 months whereas I could come in for a regular visit the next week. You can come for a regular visit next week but you can't get a physical scheduled till 3 months time! What sense does that make? Pls! Since then I never tried to. I just went in as usual when I had a reason to. Last month, I decided to call and schedule once again after watching some health news or some BS like that (I hate "had I known") and they said they had a slot on July 12th. I was down.

The day was on Wednesday. To be frank, I dreaded it cos I thought the Dr was going to examine every part of my body. Put his hand in my ass, examine my balls and stuff like that. It ended up not being as bad but at the same time there were some embarassing moments.

Got there, did all the document crap and was asked to sit and wait for the Dr in one of the rooms - the usual drill. After few mins, he came in, we greeted and he started the questioning. He noticed I had lost some weight compared to what I was before, though I was back at my typical weight so, "nothing alarming", he said quite sheepishly. The confidence wasn't there the way he said it. I just told him I don't really eat. That's all. Food has just never been my thing. "Too focused on making sure my goals for the yr happenned", I told him, "and I typically eat just once or at the most 2ce a day." He's like....hmmm...ok. Anyway I later found out why he answered me back like that on the weight issue. He then asked me other questions about the issues I had seen him for like consistent headaches, burping, etc. Consistent headchaches, gone for a while after I stopped drinking coffee daily but seems to be back now since I started the habit again. Burping, hey...still there. "Actually, now combined with farting", I told him. We both laughed about that and he was like, you haven't done any of both since you got here.

Then next thing, are you in a relationship? Yes. I see you took all the STD tests last yr and everything was fine. Do you use protection when you have sex? Was kind of embarassed on that one. I actually never thought such line of questioning would ever move me, but it did. Hmmmm....yes, I do...thooougggh I muuuust say that I have had unprotected sex once since then - someone I already knew had nothing.Would you want to do the tests again...just to be sure? Chlymidia, HIV, etc? What? Damn, is he trying to say maybe that's why I am losing weight? Cos the last time I took all the tests, I asked for the test myself. Is he trying to imply something? I guess now I know why he answered me like that earlier on. Hmmm...yes, I wanted to tell you that cos I have ehhmmmm ehmmmmm had unprotected sex since then like I told you but it has been at least 9 months and if I have anything else but AIDS, I would have seen it by now. So, I just want to do an HIV test and that's it. Yes, that's true. So, HIV test is ok with you, right? Yep, no doubt, I need to know. My heart was beating like mad as I said this but it was the truth. That's how I landed HIV test o....again! That shit is no joke.

Still waiting for the results but since then, my heart beats a million times each time I remember that I am waiting for the results. This is the second time I am going through this so far in my life. As much as I am dead paranoid about this, I think it is immeasurably necessarily for everyone to do the test as often as possible. It's tough but it's needed. Everyone needs to get tested, even if you haven't had exposed sex. EVERYONE!!! It's better to know what you're working with cos they don't write it on people's heads. For those that fear it, what I say is, "To me, it's one of those things that if you have, you have it anywayz. Whether you choose not to know about the certainty of its existence in you doesn't change its existence in you or otherwise, so for me it's just better to know what you're dealing with."

Ok...enough of the seriousness... Waiting for the results, so what? Smart Dr! At the end, he was like, one last thing. I have to examine your balls. Ok...he didn't say balls, but same thing. I hated this part so much. Bring down my pants and boxers and have someone feel my balls? I mean I know that does happen in the dark et al, but hey, having someone examine it apart "her" is a different issue. Moreso, a guy? In these days of DLs? Hell, f&*(@# NO, I thought to myself. Actually, as weird as it sounds, I think I prefer a female doctor doing this. Not a guy! At least, maybe not exactly examination, but I'm used to a lady seeing what is going on there if you know what I mean.

Omo, mehn, I guess I had to drop those pants. Dammit! He wore his gloves and put his hands in to examine them. F^&*!!! This just doesn't look right, at all! Eeewwww! I wanted this to end within half a second! Anywayz, he asked me turn to the side and cough as he held them. "You're fine", he said. Huuuuhhhh! Thank God it's over! But wait a minute....that was very quick...compared to when the lady at my infirmary in college examined them when I was in school and had some rash (it was not STD, FYI. :) nothing of sorts. I wasn't even having sex then at all. Went without it for about 6yrs). That lady must have spent at least no kidding 10 minutes examining and rubbing my .475mm Wildey Magnum! What the....! What was she doing? Hmmmmm..... She spent at least 10 minutes for real and kept massaging it and checking the triggers. She did more of massaging than examining for real. And here is my Dr checking the same thing and doing it in less than 1 minute. I got to talk to that woman the next time I'm in the city. I just wonder what she was doing!

I took some vaccines before leaving - Tetanus and Hepatitis B. The Hep B vacine is something I advice anyone to take. Hep B is transmittable through sex and those that have it never show any sign whatsoever, so if one is not immune to it, one needs to get the vaccine. And that's even if one is not sexually active cos one will get married to someone someday and the person could have it. Like I said before, they don't write these things on people's heads! My arm is still killing me from the Tetanus crap though.

Mehn, it was quite an experience. I thought he was going to have to check my anus too but thank God cos that might just have triggerred shit! I wonder if I would actually make this yearly cos I don't like that idea of balls cross examination. And moreso, the fact that now, I have to wait the most dreaded....HIV test results!!!!!

posted by Just Thinking Out Loud! @ 3:57 PM 3 comments

Monday, July 10, 2006

She wasn't overdoing it...after all.

Word Up

2 things I have learnt in life: Find someone you love and live everyday like it's going to be your last.
~ Alfie movie, might be slightly paraphrased.

It has been a while since I have penned down anything or blogged but hey...so? Life has been good. So many opportunities ahead, so I really can't complain...apart from my little experience this last weekend. Sometime ago, I wrote about an experience with a friend that got sick during lunch. That experience was definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience based on the timing of the event (or at least, I hope). Adaure also wrote about her bout with such experience sometime last month. I joined their club.

On Thursday, I ate my new usual for lunch - McD's Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese (tried it for the first time recently and have been getting it almost everyday since then) and went back to work. Worked as usual. Then at night, after work, decided to go hang out with my friend. I stopped at another friend's house on my way and while I was there, I saw Kroger's ad for 4 qts of Breyer's Ice Cream for $6. I left his house to head to my initial destination. I picked up friend to go run errands and of course, I bought the Ice Cream I saw the ad earlier on cos that's my best "food." 4 of them. I couldn't wait to get home to get some of my best - Cookies N Cream. I finally did have some and I did something odd.

I have always joked around about this crazy theory with friends - If you can eat A and you can eat B, then you can eat A and B together. Or like one of my friend's grandma used to put it growing up, "They all go through the same pipe anyway!" :) So, I decided to eat a slice of potato bread while I was eating my cookies n cream ice cream. My friend thought that was some weird combo. I thought the same, but hey...just following my crazy impulse. Crazy, I know. But I would later live to wonder.

By the end of the night I felt slightly sick and went to the bathroom to release hoping to feel better. But it didn't help. I drank some water and just hung in there till I went home and dozed off. The next morning, I woke up at about 10.30am, missing a 10am meeting. I IMed my PM, apologised for missing the meeting & told her that I wasn't feeling too good and will be at work later in the day. I wish! I started feeling more sick and weak. By afternoon, I felt I had to put something in my stomach since I had not eaten anything but Ice Cream for about 24hrs. I walked downstairs. Barely made it there. By the time I was done eating a slice of bread and drinking water, I thought I felt better. But it was a film trick. Big time facade! Few minutes later, I was on the bed groaning in pain. I saw myself moving like Ms Sick Chick was moving the day she was sick. No position was comfortable. I tried to lie down on stomach. Painful! I tried to lie down on my back. Too uncomfortable! I tried to lie down on my side. Impossible! I had my hands on my stomach groaning. It brought back memories of seeing an old friend and cousin in pain when they were sick. I just couldn't believe what I was feeling. It felt like fucking TUGS-OF-WAR in my stomach. I felt like I had innumerable strings being pulled from all sides in my stomach. That shit was no joke! At all! I now knew my friend, Ms Sick Chick, was not exagerating at all. The pain was excruciating. I could see why she wanted to go on the floor when we were in ER. The pain was so uncomfortable. It made any position or platform very uncomfortable. I can't even describe it. Mehn, that shit was no joke at all. I got to say that at a point when I was with Ms Chick (like she calls herself : ) ) earlier in the year, I thought she was overdoing it. Like the Yourbas say, o ko n yo ni, I thought. But like I told her earlier on today, you were definitely not overdoing jack!

After struggling with the pain for a while, I managed to crawl to the bathroom on the 1st impulse to vomit. I held the bathtub with my hands while kneeling down and threw up chunks of bread and Ice Cream (gross, I know, but that's the truth). Wheeeeeeeeew! Thank God!! Suddenly, I felt completely relieved. Felt just the way I did on Thursday morning before any form of sickness. The extremity of how I went from feeling like I was going to die to feeling completely well was absolutely out-of-this-world. It was completely unreal. I went back to the floor in my room and decided to quickly use the time to get some work done cos I had 2 defects that I had to turn in at work that day. But in no time, the sick feeling came back and I lost concentration once again.

Apparently, like one of my friends said, I was not supposed to eat anything for a while. "Each time you eat, you have to go back to square one. You just have to sit it through and hang in there.", he said. He was dead right. The pain came back again and continued like that till I managed to call Ms Sick Chick to help me get some PeptoBismol. I knew she was going to be around rather than calling my roommate who was still at work.

By the time she brought the PeptoBismol, somehow, some way, in spite of the pain, I had managed to doze off, so she left it at the door and my roommate picked it up by the time he got home. I took the Pink Liquid and all hell let loose again. I basically when through the same episode of wriggling pain and vomitting 2 more times by the next morning. In one case, my roommate heard me throwing up from downstairs and ran upstairs. That shit wasn't funny at all like I told my friend who was laughing at me. If not that I was trying to man it up and shit I would have been crying like a baby. Yes, the pain was that bad.

I really don't know what is going on out there. What kind of virus is out there. Cos I am about the 5th person that I know who have had such experience in recent days. Something must be in the air. :) From my experience and watching Dateline last night, I guess eating out is just not a good thing in every sense of it. In order to eliminate possible causes it is always better to cook your own food cos whatever caused the stomach pain is still very puzzling to me.

Anywayz, my crazy self still went down to Charlotte the next day with a friend who I had promised to go with that weekend. It was very relaxing. I personally just love going to Charlotte. Will move there without thinking twice if I get a job there.

I digressed, but that shit was not funny at all. From Friday till this morning, every TV ad that showed any food actually made me nauseous. Didn't eat anything again till about 7pm on Saturday evening. Like my friend says, ko funny o. lol! And Ms Sick Chick, I feel you now. You weren't overdoing it at all. :) I definitely now, more than ever before, know that many atimes, till you are in certain circumstances, you really can't jump into conclusion about how people in such situations are reacting.

posted by Just Thinking Out Loud! @ 12:36 PM 5 comments

About Me

Name: Eyan
Email: nyjaguy@gmail.com Home: United States
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